1010 Days
That’s how long it’s been since I’ve spent a single night away from Whitten John.
Well that’s not entirely true because he was born 1010 days ago - which means he’s been with me every single day since…
he’s been with me.
So when we pulled out of the driveway on Monday morning, I totally lost my shit. Tears flowing down my face, attempting to turn away from Quincy as we held hands in the back seat.
Not only would this be my first night away from WJ, but it would be my first four nights…all while was is at his lowest point of his blood work after his chemo treatment.
We started planning the camping trip in the beginning of July. Actually my big kids had been asking since January but I didn’t know if it would even be in the cards with the year we were having. After Whitten’s treatments decreased in April there was a noticeable change in his recovery. Even though his ANC still bottoms out, he didn’t seem to be in such a constant flow of misery and joy. We consulted with our doctors and they said that, even though it would be hard, we could make the 3 hour drive for a small family getaway.
And then we got a puppy. Long story short:
…puppy loves Whitten
…Whitten loves puppy
…Whitten thinks he should lay down on the ground and stick his head in puppy’s mouth so she licks him
…puppy is teething and nabs Whittens ear
…Whitten’s body is always neutropenic and has a difficult time healing.
AND… the result was postponing chemo a week to let him heal. Which was a SMART choice.
But every time is cancelled, our schedule through November is turned upside down. As soon as his oncologist made the call, I knew camping would be out of the questions because we planned the whole trip based on his highest number… and with the new schedule, he would be on his lowest.
But it didn’t feel fair to tell me other three children (and their slew of friends) that we could no longer go because of a wrestling match between our puppy and chemo baby. My husband and I decided I would take my bigs, their 8 friends, and Quincy on our ‘family’ getaway while he would stay home and be chemo dad for the week.
Per the usual, I knew it all happened for a reason. I knew God had a plan. I knew it was going to be a good thing, so even though I was extremely disappointed at the notion of leaving my baby during the peak of his recovery and separating our family instead of vacationing together, I said THANK YOU. He knows best and I trust that.
Just because we accept and we trust and we lay into our faith…doesn’t mean that it’s easy. So as we pulled out of the drive, I wept. And that’s ok. Quincy squeezed my hand and he said
“It’s ok mommy, you get play with me all week!”
And he was right. We played, we swam, we boated…outside from dawn til dusk - all things WJ would have hated in his current state.
I got quality time with my bigs and their friends and I got time to myself including an hour long morning run or walk where I worked on my book. And I got to sleep - 4 NIGHTS IN A ROW!!!!!!
It was hard. I missed my youngest. I missed my husband. I missed being ‘normal’. But I am so thankful that I choose to lay in my faith and focus on the good instead of the bad.
1010 days sleeping by Whitten John’s side followed by 4 beautiful nights cuddled in tight with Quincy Scott, both exhausted by days of joy filled laughter in the sun and sand.