Here's the real deal guys. When you get pregnant with a baby 12 years later unexpectedly, it's kind of hard to flip your mindset at first. I mean imagine... Here I am for the past year having regular self talks about how it is great and wonderful and awesome that my babies are growing up so amazing (which it is) Then I pep me up a little more about how it is so perfect that they are both going to be graduating in the next 6 years and I'ld be an empty nester at 44. (which it was) Because that is what we do - we see a situation and we decide to accept and love it for exactly how it is. (what good would it be to MOAP around and whine about my babies growing and almost being gone... NONE that's what good)
So when I saw that little blue line.... and that next blue line... and added it all up... and told my family... and announced it to the world... and hugged my friends in celebration... there was still been a piece of me that was like - WHAT THE F*&# IS GOING ON. Like - IS THIS REAL? Maybe I'm sleeping. Maybe I'm dreaming. Hell - maybe I'm drunk.
It's like this haze of confusion and excitement and questioning belief but desire to believe followed by more confusion.
Is this for real!?
As it turns out it wasn't just me feeling this way. Our first appt. was today and the kids asked to join along. I thought this would be an awesome way to celebrate Kinzey's 14th birthday (which is TODAY...bc I HAVE A 14 YEAR OLD!!!!!) so we walked into the docs like the freaking storm troopers. Me - nervous feigning confidence... followed by John - calm as cucumber per the usual... then Jayce - rambunctiously bouncing around getting allllll the attention he could... and Kinz - proud big sister... and our courtesy fam, Auntie Oli - probably wondering what the hell she was doing at a gyn's office.
John and I went back into the small room, covered in family/baby pics with the ultrasound wand and gel basically flashing red lights (I will be in you soooooon) and answered like 1,000,000 questions and they reiterated we are OLD. (Thank you for the gentle reminder... reminderS)
Ok so here is where I'm like... are they gonna make sure this is real? Like the nurse is super casual asking if I'm gonna breastfeed and do we want labor classes and blah blah blah... and I'm like -
DO YOU WANNA SEE IF THERE'S A BABY IN THERE FIRST. I mean let's not just jump in bed together... let's identify where this thing is going!
No... no she did not want to see the baby first. She wanted to know if I preferred an epidural or a natural birthing process. You know why she did this? Bc those doctors - they know their shit. They're good at math and figuring things out like scientists and she already KNEW there was a baby in there. MAN - the confidence!
After the formalities and a full planning strategy of the next 7 months (where I just shook my head like I knew what was up), she finally said, "ok, let's see that baby!"
And just like that, 5 seconds later, our little peanut appeared on the screen. "There is your pregnancy. There is the yolk sac. And there is your baby. There is the little heart flicker. It looks strong." Then she turned a knob on her sciencey (it's word, lay off) machine and we listened... "And that - THAT - is the sound of your baby's heart beat.
Just like that you guys, the question became a real reality. (insert happy happy emoji)
What do we next? Of course we BRING IN THE KIDS!! What kid doesn't want to check that out!! The three of them traipse in and I am sure they were more stunned by mom in stirrups than by any baby on the screen. (Don't worry folks - they were up by my head, vag covered 100% facing the other direction, but still... those poor children didn't have any clue when I previously warned - this will be a vaginal instead of topical ultrasound... how DIDN'T they get it lol)
When the shock factor wore off (never), the doc pointed out the little features of their new baby brother or sister and let them listen to the heart beat. As quick as it could be over they scurried out of the room to the safety of the stirrup free waiting area.
And there you have it folks! John and I did indeed create a baby. And now the journey (in my jacked up disbelieving mind) TRULEY BEGINS!!! Our little one is due January 15th (ok she said the 19th by her tini-tiny measuring tool searching for the length of the twisting peanut image) but guys - trust me - I know when this spermy met it's home. I'm sticking with the 15th... She might be a smart doc - but she was NOT in the bedroom.
OH YEAH! The point of the title! As we got into the car, the kids and I celebrated at 3:51... the exact time Kinz was born 14 years ago.
Then Kinzey turned and said to me, "So there really IS a baby in there... I wasn't actually sure."
That's my kid!